Bible Bloopers

I have had an interesting week and needed a laugh, so after looking up some stuff on-line I found these cute bloopers.... Some answers given by students: From Richard Lederer's “Anguished English” (Wyrick, Dell)

~The first book of the Bible is Guinness's in which God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
~Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
~Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
~The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
~Unleavened bread is bread with no ingredients.
~Moses went to the top of Mount Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments.
~The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
~The Fifth Commandment is humor thy father and mother.
~The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
~The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
~David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
~David fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
~Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
~Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night.
~Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
~Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
~When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
~When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
~Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
~Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.
~He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
~It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tomb stone off the entrance.
~The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibels.
~The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
~One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
~Salome danced in 7 veils in front of King Harrod's
~St. Paul cavorted to Christianity.
~He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
~A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

They gave me a chuckle, so I hope you enjoyed :)

Do you know of any more?